Ø My husband and I divorced over religious
differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.


  Ø A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.
  Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you
down to his level and beat you with experience.
  Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there
are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
  Ø I wanna smile and then hit the pause button for
some time.
  Ø Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do
  Ø I used to be addicted to soap… But now I’m
  Ø I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  Ø Would a wingless fly be called a walk?
  Ø ‘While spending, ask penny ‘Do I own you?’
  Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they
have some good ideas!
  Ø Failure is not an option. It’s bundled with
your software.
  Ø Exaggerations went up by one million percent
last year!!
  Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember
that the Fire Department usually uses water.


  Ø I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t
prove it.
  Ø I rang up phone company, I said, ”I want to
report a nuisance caller”, he said ”Not you again!”
  Ø I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look
at it for hours.
  Ø I was gonna tell a joke about butter as my
status but you’ll spread it!
  Ø Love may be blind but marriage is a real


  Ø How many apples grow on trees? : All of them
  Ø Whats red and bad for your teeth? : A brick.!!
  Ø Ever just misspell shit in search engines just
to hope to find something amazing?
  Ø Whoever coined the phrase ‘Quiet as a mouse’
has never stepped on one.
  Ø Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
  Ø Why did the strawberry cry? Because his mother
was in a jam.!!


  Ø I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the
  Ø You’re so drunk I hope you drive home.
  Ø I’d be a great father, I’d be there all the
time for my child, right up to the conception.
  Ø Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your
  Ø What do you call a fish with no eyes? : A fsh.
  Ø When cheese gets its picture taken, what does
it say?
  Ø “I broke my finger last week. On the other
hand, I’m okay.”
  Ø Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t
have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
  Ø A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing
rubs it in like a computer.


  Ø If winning isn’t everything why do they keep
  Ø “I’m not a photographer, but I can picture
me and you together”
  Ø It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the
sudden stop at the end.
  Ø “People call me John but you can call me
  Ø “Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you
falling for anyone else”
  Ø Wifi went down during family dinner last
tonight. One kid started talking and I didn’t know who he was.
  Ø No wonder if she remove ‘Ring’, Why should
finger stay in The Cage !!..
  Ø Behind every successful man is his woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  Ø One actual prayer right in the moment, or when
asked, is worth much more than 100 intended prayers forgotten.


  Ø “Perfect agreement (with God) opens up
perfect impartation”
  Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t
work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.


  Ø Despite the cost of living, have you noticed
how popular it remains?
  Ø If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing
it wrong…
  Ø “Remember this my friend, when things get
really bad, people won’t do what’s right, but instead what they can to get by.”
  Ø The last thing I want to do is insult you. But
it IS on the list.
  Ø A conclusion is the part where you got tired of